Nudist Colony

After going to the nude beach Blondie Spice and I finally got the courage to get rid of our tan lines. Yes we were naked in public.

Laid facedown ... naked butts out! All of 5 minutes passed before we were approached by a fellow nudist just to tell us we're naked on the wrong side of the sign and that we should move (10-15 feet) to avoid the ticket! So we picked up our staff and the remainder of decency we still had and moved. Bitching about it in Polish a little too loud apparently because a man covered entirely by a sheet said to us: "No swearing!" - in Polish. We drive and 1.5 hours outside of the city, go where there are very little people to try to remain incognito... and what finds us.... fellow Polish men!!!!! Seriously?!

We both turned bright red out of pure embarrassment, but since we were already naked we remained that way. Blondie looked up just to see the naked man that was hiding underneath his sheet... walking towards us... Fuckity fuck fuck!!!!! Not only did he approach us.. but ended up bringing his sheet and laying it right next to us! Well there goes our privacy!

It was really hard holding up a conversation with our naked bums hanging out... plus we really didn't want to talk... we wanted to work on getting rid of our tan lines not talk to naked men!!!

He quickly called his friend... the original Polish Hippie! A wandering artist. We ended up laughing with them for the entire day.. but neither one of us had enough courage to turn over, so we remained face down, butts out for wayy too long. They actually realized that we were feeling shy and kept making fun of us because of it. That made it worse...

The result of our nude beaching experience isn't pretty. As Scary described it.. my butt looks like a baboon's ass!!!! And it hurts really bad! Aloe ain't even cutting it at this point. Clothes stick to it, and it hurts to sit or actually even move!

Worst part of the whole thing was that Blondie and Scary actually know one of those guys, as he is a frequent visitor at their Brooklyn office! Who ever said New York was a big city was a fool!! And no ... you can't be incognito ... cause there will always be someone who has met you before! And what could be worse of a scenario than being nude?!

I think we have learnt our lesson.. and maybe nude beaching isn't for us after all!

Fire Island 101

Never thought Fire Island could be such a BLAST! Now I understand why people say you go once and you will keep coming back! Hell I'm not only thinking about a rental for next year but also trying to plan another summer weekend this year!

Since Fire Island seems to be a whole new world for me I've decided to write a guide for those of you who haven't been before, or need a refresher course ;-).

First and foremost there are two kinds of people that go to Fire Island, those who go there to enjoy unspoiled nature, and those who go there to party like its 1999.

For Women:

* Really short dresses (make sure underwear is showing, if you're wearing any), or better yet.. just use your beach cover up when you go out instead!

* Bring flats, as those heels will only get you in trouble here. When still in doubt picture yourself coming out of a bar, wasted... and hitting the sidewalk with your teeth (yes not pretty ... but witnessed two girls do that.. so no heels if you want to keep your pearly whites!)

* Bring a bathing suit or none (as there are plenty of nude beaches there)

* It is truly impossible to get all that sand out of your hair on the island, so spare yourself the trouble of bringing all those great products, cause outdoor shower is what you'll be stuck with.

For Men:

* Cargo shorts - everyone is seemed to be wearing those, that way you will blend in and fit in.

* Tacky button down shirts - again so you can fit right in

* Make sure you visit the tanning salon before you get here because without that orange glow you really won't make it far with the girls.

* Six-packs are necessary, so hit the gym before

* Bring lots and lots of gel! Guido Look is quite popular.

General Things to avoid:

FOAM PARTIES - yes apparently those are still happening... for those of you who have no idea what that is.. its a bar party that has foam making machines spread around the room, and as you near the end of the party you're covered in foam up to your neck. Since you can't see what is happening down below.. all bets are apparently off.

So if you're STD free, stay away from those as that won't last.

SWIMMING AT 3:30 AM

Clubs and bars on FI do not believe in the necessity of AC in the 100 degree heat. So when you go out you're packed like a sardine into a tight space and when the alcohol is flowing you start dancing like a mofo! First thought when you're released from your fellow sardines is I want to cool off.. so you see the bay water with no waves... and you say lets do this! You jump in just to be reprimanded by the security people that swimming in the bay at 3:30 in the am is NOT permitted... (how do I know this??? hmmmm.....)

So if you're still hot the alternative is to walk down to the beach (the ocean side) and lay out on the beach, watch the stars and listen to the ocean waves crash at the shore.

Around 4am the walk to the beach can be like a NYC subway ride around that time of the night. UNPREDICTABLE.

You will run into people on bikes that will stop to let you pass and will stare at you without a word just as if they were vampires trying to glamour you. Making you feel like the nearest mental institution is on recess.

You will be tempted to ride bicycles laying around by peoples houses (if you do... please return where you found them).

So you're best bet is not to talk to strangers at nighttime, oh and don't touch the deer that walk around freely on the island! They are cute and all.. but ohhh those ticks that they carry.

For those of us that are used to the city: if you're bored for any reason (since not all of us know how to fully relax on an island where the only transportation available are your own two feet or a bicycle) .. just start drinking. If it's early Bloody Marys are always great... that way everything will be seen in brighter colors and when in doubt you can always make fun of the man at the pool wearing really long jean shorts!

Shoe-tastrophy!!!

What can be more fab than spending time at the beach with the girls, when it's nearly 100 outside! This city becomes unbearable and LI beaches are the only escape (if you still like to stay outdoors!)

And since it was 4th of July some good ol' fireworks were in order for the evening part of the day!

Dressed properly for a rooftop party (yes no skirts, or dresses as I think this city has already seen plenty of my underwear before) I left to meet Scary Spice, who was supposed to be joining me for this extravaganza!

Normally in NY you can buy almost anything at nearly any time of the day, but on 4th of July city becomes deserted as everybody floods Fire Island or the Hamptons.

So what do you do when you're all the way downtown in your perfect party shoes, that gave into this heat and literally fell apart??

For those of you who have never been in NY.. downtown is where all the financial institutions are and shopping is already sparse. And on 4th of July whatever is there is closed by 7 pm!

It was already 8 o'clock and after running around downtown with no shoes on in sheer panic... I discovered CVS (our pharmacy and cosmetics store).... my only option!

In the worst case scenario I could buy socks there so I didn't have to walk around barefoot. People were already looking at me like I'm crazy walking with no shoes, but what is a girl to do in that situation? Really?

The choices that CVS presented me with were either crocks (ugh would rather continue walking barefoot) or shower totes that included a lufa, shower get and FLIP-FLOPS. I quickly grabbed one, paid and walked out of the store out of pure embarrassment. Unpacked my goodies at the nearest corner just to find out the the Flip-Flops were 2 sizes too small!!! At that point I didn't care and Scary Spice was waiting for me somewhere... so with my new "shoes" I ran back all the way downtown just to hear her say.... "Only you ... this shit only happens to you!" - after which we bother bursted out laughing!

The party was also great. Fireworks were spectacular and watching them from a 33rd floor was absolutely amazing!

Side note.. it took me good 20 minutes to get rid of all the NY dirt from my feet. This city is filthy! May need a tetanus shot!

Take me out to the ball game... and then some...

Wednesday night Yankee boy and I ended up in the Bronx at the Yankee stadium. The were playing against Seattle, and I was very excited since we had great seats - field level just past 1st base.

I met him at Billy's Bar just before the game just to find him doing Patron shots... well when in Rome... so couple of shots later we dragged our asses t the game and couldn't be more disappointed! Inning after inning the game became more and more painful as Seattle was kicking our asses! 7th inning, 3 bears and a hot sausage later we could not watch their miserable failure! 5-0??? What the hell happened?

So we left for Billy's bar again for more tequila! The bar wasn't hopping enough for us though.. some middle aged moms drunk and getting down.. yikes! So we left.

In a search of more entertainment we ended up at Sin City. Apparently Bronx's prime entertainment spot.

Yankee's favorite girl - Angie saw us in a cab as we were getting out of it in front of the place and said a quick hi, before disappearing into the club.

To make things clear, Sin City is a strip club where you can find lots of exotic fishes! ;-)

Vodka was pouring and we were having lots of fun! Got a nice lap dance too! And trust me when I say in da Bronx ALL BETS ARE OFF!

Inspired by all the lap dances around and absolutely uninspired by the pole action (lack thereof) I decided to give Yankee boy a lap dance! Well those classes have to pay off somehow!

Wel.. the stripper that was giving a lap dance next to us promptly stopped midway to ran to e to put a dollar bill in my bra! Pretty awesome... my first tip as a non-stripper!

With boosted confidence I continued the lap dance just to be tapped on my shoulder by a bouncer couple of minutes later. "Miss, No, No!" - he said with a disapproving move of his finger (kinda like what parents do to their kids when they misbehave!)

SHIT! Apparently all it takes to be allowed to give lap dances in the Bronx is filling out an application and you're IN!

Well in my books this night will go down as the night I nearly got kicked out of a strip joint!!!

Swimsuit Optional!

Couple of weeks ago the girls and I drove out to Robert Moses and decided to go to Field 5. Between the scorching sun and my A.D.D. I couldn't sit still and decided to take a stroll down the beach towards the lighthouse. With Blondie as my companion we soon walked into something we completely didn't expect to see... full on NUDITY. I always thought with US being so strict about clothing on the beach (Miami doesn't count) nude beaches were just an urban myth. Oh.. was I wrong!

There it was at 12 o'clock, a penis approaching. Then at 11.. and at 10.. and quickly we were surrounded with old saggy butts and penises that barely resembled one!

Will tell you one thing, the variety of shapes and sizes was truely amazing and unexpected. We couldn't help byt stare! Thank God for baseball hats and dark sunglasses, otherwise we would have walked away from there being called perverts!

It was amazing for me to see who actually are the people who decide to sunbathe in the nude... and they tend not to be the ones you would expect to see naked in public.

The ration of men to women was rather larger.. about 80/20 (totally expected) but most of them were way pass the middle-age point, and judging by the saggy butts they should not be naked anywhere except in the privacy of their shower.

Things that caught our attention:

1. Women with tops and no bottoms

2. Popularity of Prince Albert

3. Penises that looked more like either a third ball or "outie" belly button

4. Ball to penis disproportion (aka miniature golf pencil penis and softball size balls

5. Naked man on crutches with a CHUBBY that kept swinging his dick between his legs to catch our attention! Dude we see it, it's there, no need to draw more attention to it!

6. Naked couple sitting by the water spooning (possibly having sex)

7. 70 year old dude with and early 20s girl in the ocean, her legs spread apart and around his waist, most definitely having sex!

8. Men with T-shirts on and no bottoms...

Needless to say we go back there every weekend now! Nudity is addictive! ;-)

1 drink min or max??!!

I think I have officially lost my drinking mojo! I've used to be able to have 4-6 drinks and still be standing on my feet. Well last night really proved me WRONG! After a bike ride, 1.5 hours of tennis and no dinner.. I've became a REALLY cheap date! 1 drink was enough for me to not be comfortable on my own two feet!

Maybe it was the no dinner thing, or too much exercise, or all of the above, but I have crossed the line to alcohol danger zone aka#1 handle with care if under influence, aka #2 be prepared for fun!

Well last night I slipped out before inappropriate actions have taken place. Phewwww...

But...

With the bachelor (yes not bachelorette) party looming in the near future, all I'm going to say is yikes! I've been forewarned by a friend already not to end up on a pole next to the stripper.. so I may just have to substitute those jello shots with gatorade? Maybe? Or simply ask for a Shirley Temple instead of a Martini!

A little much for a Monday morning subway ride...

I know people don't seem to be very happy on a Monday morning... especially pre-coffee. And I got to experience it first hand today.

In case you don't know this about me... I love to read! All sorts of books, fiction, non-fiction, love memoirs etc. For the longest time I've been interested to the genre I like to refer to as 'hooker books'. Yes you've heard it right. The are pleasantly explicit in their nature, and really entertaining. Listen some people watch porn, I prefer to read about it.

So there I was 9 am on a monday morning reading the 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl', while the man sitting next to me was reading ... the Bible! Not only reading it, but with 3 differently colored highlighters he was studying it.

As I continued to keep my nose in my own business, he continued to look over my shoulder (hate that)... and didn't fail to express his disapproval of my choices. Judgmental people piss me off, so I left the train saying that I'm researching a career change. Couple people looked at me mortified, and others laughed... (which was really the desired reaction)

I guess even New Yorkers can be a bit too nosy...

Things I have learnt in the first 48 hours... and also things that make me want to stay SINGLE!

1. Guys don't take rejection very easily. They stalk you, if you don't respond and ask its only fair of you to send them a picture. Then when you don't they keep stalking you and say you must be ugly... way to keep it classy boys! Girls get it.. he's just not that into you... so MOVE ON!

2. 80% are in love with themselves and the way the look (no matter how they look), short tall, fat, skinny, bold head but lots of facial hair... oh just shave it all off, and have the balls to do so!

3. 5'8'' seems to be 'tall' to an average man, yeah I wonder whether they were the tall ones within their Pygmy group.

4. People really don't smile on their pictures, all those angry gangsta poses don't do it for me... so smile and show me your pearly whites...

5. Mustaches are so my dad's generation! And let them stay there!

6. Ok.. this guy really needs a whole point. Vic wrote: "I even have a sexy red car to go with the date,,,lol can u send pics of u too,,, we can chat on yahoo im vmansexy or aim vmansexy007"

Just so you know that sexy red car was a Mazda RX8... and by the look of it, I would say at least 5-7 year old model... really????? And who would put 'sexy' in their username .... I really think he's one of those people with web cams... that use it in the privacy of their home (aka room at his parents house) in the middle of the night (in case mommy brings fresh snacks and tea).... and NAKED.....(scarry!) One more.. he did have a mustache! ewwww

7. I have no words for guy named Carey (threw up... TWICE, when I saw that)

Hi there, I enjoy sports (including softball, baseball, football, basketball), traveling, movies, cooking, dining out, live bands, comedy clubs, bowling, mini-golf, shooting pool, etc, anything fun. I'm an athletic 39 SWM 5' 6" with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. I have an MBA and my profession is finance. Hope to speak with you soon. Carey Great buddy... and how does that fit the description tall, dark and handsome?? Do we need to send him back to school for some much needed reading tests?? 8. It is one thing to wear one of those dorky bluetooth pieces when you're driving (well I wouldn't be caught dead wearing one) but have someone take a pictures of you with it on... ohhhh sooo not sexy... Mr. Businessman... soooo not.

Well.. I think those were some of the best ones... more to come as the experiment continues...

Social experiment!

I know it's been awhile since the last time we talked... I guess nothing worthy enough happened in that time to really write about... well maybe worthy enough but too personal would be a better way to put it. Sometimes (only sometimes) I don't kiss and tell ;-).

With my good friend's wedding in sight (less than a month away) and single since lately my men/boy toy obsession has turned into tennis obsession(while my tennis coach obsesses about me), I found myself with no date to take to the wedding. All is great, don't really mind going to events on my own, its just that its a closed event and nowhere to run if it gets really bad. Plus do I really want to be the 29 year old that has been put at the kids table? Especially when the theme of the wedding is "somewhere over the rainbow"... encouraged to wear brightly colored outfit, I would just be another Cinderella in the room. And besides... you all know my feelings about kids... 10 foot pole needed for ANY interaction, well with the exception of my nephew Lucas.

I've asked couple of my guy friends whether they would come and surprisingly both were up for it! Problem (as I always seem to have one) one is not 100% reliable, and would probably cancel on me last minute, and the other one would get the wrong impression, friends isn't the same as fuck friends, well at least in my dictionary.

Needless to say persuaded by Curly I started this 'social experiment', where I placed a post on a website looking for a date for the wedding.

Requirements: tall, dark and handsome, gotta dance and have a suit! I guess conversation wouldn't be such a big issue with so much food, drinks (and more drinks), loud music etc...

The post have been up for about 12 hours now and all I will say right now is that I'm starting a new charity. A charity that aims to provide MIRRORS to all the single men out there, since most of them really need a reality check!! So please donate, and do so quickly, NYC men have to awaken asap!

It has been an amusing experience so far, had couple GREAT laughs from it, so I will keep you posted and will try to put some images together for you as well. Promise it will be fun, so stay tuned for more.

Well, I can't leave without a sneak peek.. ok

1. Theo - a cardiology resident at Presbyterian Hospital, 6'1'' cute and funny, originally Brazillian (def a possibility!)

2. Steve - italian, 5'8'' shaved head and brown eyes... 17 tattoos and 2 piercing (prince albert??)

Ok... I asked about a suit not tattoos... and last time I checked 5'8'' was TALL for a WOMAN!

Vodkas Jacks, Chubakas and Jamaican bros... what a melting pot!

What is better way to finish a god awful week with a hair cut, a new color and some vodka?!

And it so happened that Mr. Rockstar was playing a show at BB Kings that night... so Charlie's Angels (aka me, Blondi Spice and Scary Spice) were heading to Times Square.

We quickly became something of a local attraction.. as we were most likely the tallest people in there! It was really time for us to start drinking.. and dancing...

Couple things worth mentioning...

Mr. Preppy (one of the guys that came up to us) that was so drunk that couldn't muster a word , because he was so wasted. All he kept doing was those hand motions that suggested he was about to say something... well.. not much was there to say. We kept making fun of his drunkenness.. but little did we know we were about to hit that level really soon, and actually go wayyyyy beyond that! He finally blurted out a question... "Where are you from?", since I hate those questions I always make people guess... according to Mr. Preppy we were British!

We felt bad we didn't make a banner for our Rockstar friend.. so couple digs in a bag and a visit to the friendly bartender we were ready to make a banner... Napkins, two colored pens and our boobs (to display it on) was all it took!

In the meantime, people were going crazy.. there was a group of really short people dancing in a makeshift circle, they really caught our attention, as they looked like a group of chubakas that were let out for a fun night out on the town! I mean... .I don't think there are more proper words to describe them... as chubakas doing the chubaka dance!

All in all we had a BLAST! Although there are still parts of the night that we can't remember.. probably a good thing!

Times Square at 4 am isn't the best place to be, as we were waiting for Rockstar to come out from the show we managed to meet some Jamaican men, speaking french to them (I guess when you're drunk anything is possible).. that were inviting us to their 125th St apartment to get high... what... really?? Somewhere during that conversation we apparently managed to leave two voicemails on our friend's phone... that I just got to listen to today... WOW... and it all came back to me... but why oh why was I speaking english with Russian accent on those messages??!!

Well nearly peed my pants listening us talking about our new Jamaican friends...

6:30 am was more or less when we finally made it to bed... Next day it was time to go through our bags... and between weird postcards, business cards etc.. some of us had more of a surprise hiding there! ;-)

Ignorance is Bliss - a rant!

It really amazes met how in this day and age there are so many people that are prejudice against other people. I don't think I'm naive here but are we still living in times where stereotypes are such big part of how we look at people?! REALLY?!

Hey.. just because I'm Polish it doesn't mean I'm an unhappy alcoholic, just because someone is Muslim doesn't mean they are the next shoe bomber, or being Black doesn't mean they wear their pants below their bums and carry stereos blasting hip-hop on their shoulders!

How did we manage to get so self centered that we create our own little world with no tolerance for others and use stereotypes as our basis for judging people that we don't even know??? Why do we use our different backgrounds against people? We are not that different, no matter where and how we grew up. No one has a perfect life, or childhood for that matter. One thing that we do have in common is that we all take part in creating our futures, so we can either sit there and blame the world and past for our misfortunes or we can try to get past that, and create better future!

Here is a news flash... not all actions of other people have to be benefiting us!

We can draw whatever we want from peoples doings and learn from it rather than get stuck in a continuous circle of mistakes. Insanity after all is repeating the same things, expecting different results!

Friendship is a two way street where each of the people benefit from it, whether its emotional, intellectual or physical (I'm talking team sports, not sex here!) It's not eye for an eye, and just because you give more at times doesn't mean that you will be getting more back. It means you're creating a good karma for yourself and one day when you least expect it, that good karma will come back to you! Friendship also means honesty, that can be sometimes hard to hear, but that helps us in the long run.

So from now on.. for those intolerant ones.. here are some guidelines of how you should be looking at people!

Fine -------------------------freaked out insecured neurotic and emotional,
Adventurous ---------------Sleeps with everyone.
Emotionally Secure--------On medication.
Free Spirit------------------Pot friendly.
Open-minded---------------Desperate.
Outgoing--------------------Loud and embarrassing.
Caring-----------------------Stalker.
Independent Thinker------Crazy.
Poetic----------------------- Lazy.
Friendly---------------------Never shuts up.
Financially secure----------Has a job
Affectionate-----------------Horny

This blog has been prompted by couple really frustrating conversations, I've had recently. I know opinions are like assholes everybody has one, and I can respect that, what I can't respect is the intolerance that comes out. The fact that I have a different opinion on something doesn't mean that I don't value you as a person or I should think of you less! Vibrant discussions make relationships way more fun. Life would be really boring if we all always agreed... but in that same sense lets all grow up together. Because getting old is not a choice, growing up is, so lets make the best of it!

Faux pas x2 aka wrong address.. underwear malfunction

Wednesday night=date night for me lately. Its perfect, not Monday, which tends to be loser dating night, and not Friday, which tends to be relationship night. I keep it right in the middle.

Faux pas number 1: I gave the guy the wrong address. I was so sure that I lived at 69-31 xxx Street, but ohhh no.. I just wanted to live there! The red light didn't start flashing when my iPhone couldn't find it, or they were telling me that such address doesn't exist when I was trying to update it on all my documents... oh no. It actually took another person telling me I'm delusional (well not really, he was nice enough not to say it out loud) for me to walk downstairs and check the number. Yes 61-39 it is. But the other one was sooo much cooler! Oui oui?Non non?

Faux pas 2: For this one you need a little background info.

For the past couple of months I've been a frequent visitor to Victoria's Secret. It really is a blessing and a curse having it right on the corner from where I work. Bum is happy but wallet is not ;-). Needless to say I've bought LOTS of new undies. And since I can't put them all on at the same time (bummer, since I like to layer things) I stuck them in the drawer waiting for a proper occasion ;-). Well I thought last night could have been that potential occasion, so after I got home I hopped in a shower, and put the new 'lacie' on.

The evening was going well, Jonesy (my vicious chihuahua) didn't even attempt to eat my date, big success there! And on the contrary really liked him and wanted to be buds from the get go.

A bottle of red wine, yummy dinner and great conversation and the night flew by. And like all responsible adults do, they finish a night at a reasonable hour on a school night (well I'm still learning how to do that... does that mean I'm not a responsible adult? or maybe not an adult?)

Tired and a bit tipsy from the wine, I took my clothes off just to notice that the underwear I was wearing still had the tag attached to it. FUCK! Really K? REALLY? I just hope it wasn't sticking out of my pants all night saying hello! I mean what would I say if he noticed? 'Oh you know I was just planning on returning them tomorrow?!' ... 'just trying them out.. I'm quite picky with underwear...' 'wanted to make sure you see the tag buddy, so you know what to buy me'???????

Right, knowing me I probably would say any of the above as I don't really get embarrassed, and as usual would have to turn this whole thing into a joke on myself.

Note to self, if planning on wearing new undies please make sure to take the damn tags off! Better yet, take them off as soon as you buy them! Or they will pop out of your jeans to say hello and embarrass you! And definitely learn your address before you give it out to anyone!

;-)

Peek-a-boo!

As sad as I was leaving Astoria, part of me was glad as well. Nothing better than a clean slate in a new neighborhood where no one knows you or heard you... YET ;-)!

We were at all odds at first, it was either raining or snowing the whole week and by Saturday morning (yes my move day) none of the snow has melted and it pilled up all over into little hills for midget skiers.

Everything seemed to be going well. Got the Penske... and my friends and I were loading it up! Of course it couldn't go away without mentioning our last Saturday hangout! Sometimes its good to be a clown ;-)!

Couple hours and LOTS of laughs later we were in Ridgewood unpacking, and that went smoother than we all thought it was going to go!

Some yummy food at Krolewskie Jadlo and Zywiec later the move was officially completed. Exhaustion settled in, but brain wasn't ready to give it a rest for the day.

Pumkin and I had nowhere to sleep, couldn't find the screws to put the bed back together and there was no room to put the mattress down either! Polish girls can do it though! We managed to move things around and settled on the mattress, camping style. Decided to open a bottle of wine just to relax and hopefully mellow out enough to fall asleep. Well the wine did the opposite and now we were pretty restless. With dimmed lights in the soon to be bedroom we were doing what girls do best... talking, that was until we noticed that in the window opposite from mine someone turned the light on... Curiosity won! We turned our lights out just so we could see what was going on there. Hoping for some nudity, action... Still hoping someone was going to come over to do a lap dance and a massage, since we ached terribly!

As it turned out that window was my neighbor's bathroom... and that got us even more curious.. So we kept our voices and lights down... waiting for some kind of excitement. The neighbor clearly had a girl over and she was the one using the bathroom... lingering there for quite some time... Well everything was clear after she left... and he came in just to open the window to air it out! Hahaha.. Girl gotta learn.. you don't stink up your boys bathroom... especially that there are people watching!!

Well the curtains are hung, so no more watching the neighbors... or is there???

Big shout out to all you guys who were such troopers and didn't cancel on me because of the storm! YOU ARE THE BEST!!! I think this was truly the most fun move ever!

Drop it like it's HOT!

I rarely make plans, but we have been talking about Saturday night with Blondi (shit.. she's not blond anymore... lets call her Pumpkin) for good couple of days now. It was supposed to be a girls night out originally, but turned out to be quite the opposite. I've always like when lots of friends get together and all end up at the same place. Was actually surprised that I've managed to get so many of them together at the same place and time... tried to throw parties before but there is always someone that cannot make it.

So from the original 2, it turned out to be a whole group of people! Most of us got there around 11 so we practically waited maybe 5 minutes to get in. Place was already pretty busy and we all grabbed drinks. 30 minutes after we got in the line outside was so long, our other friends would have had to wait good hour to get in. In cases like that I am always glad I decided to go with the backless, tight dress cause that makes it so much easier to shmooze the bouncers! They were pretty tough last night tho, and had to give one of them my phone number to get the boys in... oh the sacrifices we make for friends ;-). Glad I managed to do the fake number this time! Phew!

Alcohol was flowing, between vodka, whisky, cranberry juice we were all in a very happy place!

The shots at the bar, with the bartender pouring them straight down your throat was just a bonus!

Curly and I were so excited that this was our chance to show off what we have learnt earlier at the pole dancing class. Unfortunately(well maybe actually fortunately, since I didn't want to land on my bum again) no poles were around... but that didn't stop us from using live 'poles' to show off our dance routine! And trust me boys were more than willing to be the prop!

As most of you know I do keep my promises, and apparently in some state of intoxication couple weeks back I promised a lap dance to Mr. hmmm what should we call him... lets call him Hank. If you've seen Californication, you have met Hank Moody and that is probably the best way to describe him! A tall, dark and handsome version of Hank Moody!

The pressure was on and after a bit of intoxicating fluids finally hit my brain I was up for the challenge. Wow... This I can only describe in quotes from my observing friends... as the lap dance practically lasted for the duration of our evening! Yes... I have too much pent up lots of energy and dancing is the best way to use it up!

Was it good?... well I sure hope so. The fact that at some point I turned around and ALL of my friends stopped dancing and were watching and taking pictures says something. Apparently according to Coon Rapids boy(sorry babe... will come out with a better nickname next time) the Dj stopped spinning for a second to peek over! Shit maybe career change is an option after all!

All in all I feel like a grandma today, muscles hurt so bad I can barely move. You know you pushed your body too much when sitting on a toilet becomes a painful chore!

No visible bruises on body, but apparently I have a red wine stain on my lip.. will leave an explanation to your imagination as there was NO red wine involced last night!

People involved last night, please post some feedback!!! HAHAHA

A Pole on the POLE! Peaches first pole dancing class... ;-)

Ordinary Saturday afternoon... ohh hells no, no such thing for me lately.

Curly and I signed up for our first ever pole dancing class! Yes we were both thinking about career change... and we happened to come across this amazing deal @ groupon for New York Pole Dancing Studio... so we both hopped on the opportunity!

As we walked into the building and got to the 8th floor, we got a little creeped out by the location of the studio. Kinda felt like we were walking into some kind of sketchy warehouse... or a sweatshop! We walked into the room just to meet our dance partner for the next hour... THE POLE! So long, silver and shiny! Couple of seductive stretches later we were ready to get intimate with or partner...

So first we started getting familiar with it, by doing some dance moves... the dance partner seemed a little cold at first.. but soon we were grinding up against it and it felt GOOD and SEXY! Gaby our dance instructor was awesome, the girl knows how to use her butt! Shit I think at that point our jaws were down to the floor as she was showing us the next part of our routine.

We started with a simple walk around holding the pole to resting our backs on it.. tracing the body with our hands (yes... touching ourselves) to sliding up and down while embracing the pole with both hands above the head.... with one leg out and using support of the pole we slid down it to sit on the floor just to roll around it and graze the floor with our boobs!

Ok.. so so far so good.. we were all keeping up.... next move tho... wasn't so easy.. the spin! As you twist your leg around it, put the other one behind we had to slide down it... fireman style... of course not as mechanic as they do it, but slowly...

This was harder than it looked... after landing on my ass twice I finally got it! It does give you this amazing rush... as you hold on to it.. twist your legs around... and your airborne! WOW what a feeling! And that was first main part of the intro class. The second was the climb... yes you had to climb your shiny partner and hold on for your dear life.. to arch your back... and yet again slid down the piece of metal..... WOW...... I'm sure some parts of it didn't look as sexy as you would see it at the exotic dance central but hell we had a BLAST doing it! And curly... I'm telling you no visible signs of seizures happening during it... I think for our first time we were quite graceful! Well at least I hope we were!

Although the whole career change might not work out the way we wanted, I think this will have to be added to our schedules pronto as a regular work out routine... hell my arms and butt already hurt... and part number 2 of dance is yet to come tonight... Hell who knows maybe we will end up at a place that has a POLE so at least we can practice! Cause we definitely NEED practice! Time to get on ebay to search for a pole! PP out to get ready for some more fun tonight!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...

Any woman that has lived in NYC has experienced male attention in one way or another. Some attention is good, some is bad, but you can still brush it off your shoulders and move on... and some just reveals some plain ugly personality.

Listen we all like attention.. but not the kind that this city usually offers to us. Sometimes a random stranger will stop you on a street and say something nice... sometimes will stop your cab at 2 am just to tell you, that you have gorgeous eyes (as it happened to me once before). Hell we've all walked near a construction site before.. there are on average 5 guys that will say something, whistle or just plainly stare... CREEPY can you say?! But lets get to the really ugly attention that I've experienced ...

It all started with a Saturday night outing that seemed to be going promising.. until after watching a sappy comedy we couldn't get a cab to get to dinner. Well lets face it, February in NY isn't the warmest month... and with the wind the nipples were definitely saying hi.

Some random guy stopped us and said he was a cab driver... so eager to get to our dinner on time we jumped in... sure he was a cab driver after all... short conversation revealed that he was Egyptian from Alexandria... Lets call him The Boxer (as apparently he was a professional boxer back home). If you've ever been to Astoria you know there are lots of Egyptians living here and I happen to be friends with quite a few of them. And as our conversation revealed we have some common friends as well. As soon as he heard that I was from Poland... he made sure to mention that he has dated plenty of Polish girls before.

So for him the game was on... peacock chest was out... and now I felt like I was at a car dealership having one of those annoying sales person trying to sell me a kia as it was an aston martin. During the 10 minute car ride to the restaurant, he managed to tell us all about his business, life and his boxing career... he also managed to include in the conversation, that his company only owns bmws, mercedes etc.. yet we were stuck in some old falling apart town car... really?!! We didn't really respond to his sales pitch so then he proceeded to tell us that he only works with models and VIP... really? Felt like I was in LA for a second there and EVERYONE was IN the business. The Boxer was failing miserably... impressing us really wasn't working and wasn't going to get him anywhere... The 10 minute cab ride felt like it lasted for hours... but finally we arrived at the restaurant... and he actually had the guts to ask for my phone number... pulling the ultimate 'boyfriend' card didn't work.. as he said he also has a girlfriend and that I'm getting it all twisted... so then I said that I'm not really looking for new friends either... and his response to that was that he "has had many girls from my country before and (that) they are very cold in bed"... Can't some man just put a tail behind their bum and walk away with some class?! No... apparently male ego doesn't let them... he had to show how classless of a person he was... I didn't bother wasting another breath saying anything else, just thinking 'be the better person, walk the higher road.'

Listen I know there are plenty of girls that are looking for a man with $$ and a position... someone that will take care of them... but if the guy actually asked another question apart of 'where are you from' rather than telling us his life story... he wouldn't humiliate himself and would have spared us the dreadful cab ride...

Next time... please lets try to get a driver that either doesn't speak English or is gay... ;-)

After all we were so hungry we just couldn't wait to get in and stuff our faces... The restaurant happened to make a mistake with my reservation... and booked it under Carolina Dolphin... so Flipper and a friend, happy and warm had a delicious dinner! For those of you who don't know that.. Dolphin is one of my many nicknames! Coincidence? As Heniu would say... there are no coincidences! ;-)

Polskaville

I think I consider myself a pretty patient person, but I've finally had it with the corporate bullshit of my building management company! After two years ... came the time to move on...

And if you don't know me, I'm a Sagittarius and we constantly need change to keep ourselves entertained. So here I am, February 2010 venturing out into the unknown world of Queens, NY... (hey Astoria is what I've considered Queens before).

Apartment search - mission 01 in 2010, quickly became my PRIORITY! I really didn't want this to become a lengthy process, as those not only tend to discourage me in the end but also I'm an artist and the things people tend to consider as everyday tasks overwhelm me! Yes I can handle much better a 6 figure project than searching for an apartment.

So as of Monday February 1st I was religiously checking all the apartment websites, and calling anything that resembled an apartment... I will have to tell you some of the observations I've made, but let me tell you one thing first. I have a little chihuahua named Jonesy, and as any of you pet owners in the NY metro area know, moving with your pet ain't easy here! They either don't want them, don't like them, their religion doesn't care for them, someone is allergic or some other bullshit reason they can come up with.

This pretty much became a constant after the first day of calling.... whenever there was a woman on the other side of the line, a dog (even my lil 6 lbs chihuahua) was a no no.. and there was even no discussion! You know how it is... 'Not my dog, not my flees, I'm not the one who's going to be scratching myself' kinda deal.

February 2nd ... I got a little smarter... weeded out ALL those ads posted by women! Well except one that said pet friendly. By February 3rd, I've had bunch of places lined up to see, so Blondie Spice, me and our unlimited metrocards were off to the races.

We get off the train and ask someone for directions (yes because the GPS on my iPhone and technically 2 blonds wasn't enough to figure out where the hell we were going). And guess what... it's Polskaville! Polish here, there and everywhere, Polish stores, restaurants, flower stores... damn... I was home once again...

yes mama... I'm coming home ;-)

And did I say it was a mission?! I don't take those lightly! February 4th and I've already found an apartment!!

.....and this is how I ended up in Ridgewood, NY - the up and coming Polskaville!

Shit.... blogs might have to be in Polish from now on, as I will probably loose my english language skills very soon hahaha! So for you English speaking people... better brush up on your Polish! You do have till March 1st!

Gay men in Sparkles!

Women, we all love our sparkles and our gay boys...not metro! GAY! And what could be more fabulous than a gay man in sparkles taking care of our saturday nights entertainment?! Did I say overweigh gay man in TIGHT sparkling outfit? Yes.. love handles are IN this season apparently.

Evening started out with dinner and drinks at Tacu Tacu in Williamsburg. A mix of Peruvian and Vietnamese food... strange combo no? Kinda like putting Mexican and Chinese at the same place- never got that one. As it turned out though the food was quite good, spicy and quite fulfilling and you actually didn't feel like you were going to sink straight to the bottom of a body of water in case you got so drunk and happen to fall into one (and there were plenty of those at Galapagos). Got some pork dish, since I still couldn't muster my courage to even look at seafood after Friday night debacle. I know my kosher and halal friends would not feel proud of my choice, but hey.. I'm a dirty Catholic after all, and we don't have food restrictions!

Couple Dragon Bites (with bacardi) and Strawberry mojitos later we scrambled out of Tacu Tacu and managed to get to Dumbo.

Galapagos Art Space was pretty incredible! Fell in love with the location, the whole ambiance and decor of the place in minutes! I mean how can you not?

Bjorn our host (yes that would be the gay man in sparkles) and his piniada dog were pretty amusing, and did I mention our birthday girl - Blondie Spice got a lap dance from him?? SWEET!

Floating Kabaret was quite amusing, it pretty much had anything you can think of singing, dancing, striptease.. you name it! Quite fun! Peak-a-boo Pie stripping away layers to show some sexy lingerie, and who doesn't like lingerie.. well maybe some priests that would much rather run after underage altar boys in boxer shorts or speedos... Actually even a priest would be content with the show as there were lots of those too! Mr. Gorgeous was pretty fucking HOT stripped down to undies! Glad he wasn't underage phew, us women, we like our meat matured to perfection! ;-)

The best performance of the night though was a shirtless man in super tight sparkly pants, that used a piece of fabric hung (hehe I said hung) from the ceiling doing all sorts of acrobatics. True art! Sexy doesn't even come close to explaining it really... DIVINE would be more proper. The video attached is of the said performance. Trust me, if you didn't feel sexy when you walked in to Galapagos, you definitely felt sexy when you walked out and whether it was the vodka or the nakedness I couldn't tell you.. maybe both!

Follow the below link to check out performance video:

http://www.polishpie.tv/floating_kabaret.html

You know it was a good night if you wake up the next morning with a headache but you still want more!!!

Till next time guys!

Ciao!

Yours Truly,

Polish Pie aka Peaches ;-)

Steak and Legs.

Friends have always told me to start a blog and I could never get myself organized enough to write about all those crazy things that happen to me in the Big Apple (and pretty much everywhere!)

But with the new year come new resolutions, so here I am writing my FIRST ever blog... yes popping my own Cherry here guys, so bear with me!

Thought it was going to be just a usual friday night. Finished work late (as usual) and after a LONG week I was ready for a nice long candle lit bath and a glass of red wine. Walking out of the office, phone start to ring. A friend, (lets call him 'Yankee Boy' for the purpose of this story) calls me up to see if I wanted to join him and bunch of his friends for dinner. And since I'm always up for a bite to eat, I hopped on the subway to meet him in a very strange part of town: 45th Street and 11th Avenue...

Little did I know that I was about to walk into one of the most upscale strip clubs in Manhattan. First question that came to mind (yes my dirty mind) was what the hell are we gonna eat here??? Pussy on a silver platter? Yuck. I guess there goes my appetite for seafood!

A little unsettled, but welcomed by a gorgeous woman we were seated with menus. Woo Hoo.. they actually serve food here! Menu was actually pretty impressive or maybe I just haven't been to strip joint with gourmet kitchen before.

Took me a while to order with all those distractions around... man I get why boys can't make a decent conversation at the beach now!

I can't remember the last time I was in a strip club... but it must have been Candy Bar in London with Georgie! Oh yes that was the night I came home with bruised knees.. don't ask me why...

4 drinks (yes I was still counting) and some yummy steak dinner later we move on to the entertainment part of the night! Of course Yankee Boy had to buy me a lap dance!!!! Hey I had plenty of lap dances in my life... but I don't think I had anyones boobies so close to my face before! First 30 seconds all I could think about was I was about to get smacked with someone's boob! I get it there is no touching.. but ohhhh there is plenty of accidental touching!

Brilliantly awesome.. maybe if I only could stop laughing for a split of a second I could actually learn something from this chick. Minutes later my lap dance was over... but the thrill of it lasted for the entire night!

One thing I gotta tell you... pole dancing classes are starting this week and I AM READY!

Cab ride home was fast.. maybe because I couldn't remember half of it. Should get into the habit of writing my address down for the cab drivers as chaos ensues when there is Belvedere involved!