Monday, July 26, 2010

Fire Island 101

Never thought Fire Island could be such a BLAST! Now I understand why people say you go once and you will keep coming back! Hell I'm not only thinking about a rental for next year but also trying to plan another summer weekend this year!

Since Fire Island seems to be a whole new world for me I've decided to write a guide for those of you who haven't been before, or need a refresher course ;-).

First and foremost there are two kinds of people that go to Fire Island, those who go there to enjoy unspoiled nature, and those who go there to party like its 1999.

For Women:
* Really short dresses (make sure underwear is showing, if you're wearing any), or better yet.. just use your beach cover up when you go out instead!
* Bring flats, as those heels will only get you in trouble here. When still in doubt picture yourself coming out of a bar, wasted... and hitting the sidewalk with your teeth (yes not pretty ... but witnessed two girls do that.. so no heels if you want to keep your pearly whites!)
* Bring a bathing suit or none (as there are plenty of nude beaches there)
* It is truly impossible to get all that sand out of your hair on the island, so spare yourself the trouble of bringing all those great products, cause outdoor shower is what you'll be stuck with.

For Men:
* Cargo shorts - everyone is seemed to be wearing those, that way you will blend in and fit in.
* Tacky button down shirts - again so you can fit right in
* Make sure you visit the tanning salon before you get here because without that orange glow you really won't make it far with the girls.
* Six-packs are necessary, so hit the gym before
* Bring lots and lots of gel! Guido Look is quite popular.

General Things to avoid:

FOAM PARTIES - yes apparently those are still happening... for those of you who have no idea what that is.. its a bar party that has foam making machines spread around the room, and as you near the end of the party you're covered in foam up to your neck. Since you can't see what is happening down below.. all bets are apparently off.

So if you're STD free, stay away from those as that won't last.


Clubs and bars on FI do not believe in the necessity of AC in the 100 degree heat. So when you go out you're packed like a sardine into a tight space and when the alcohol is flowing you start dancing like a mofo! First thought when you're released from your fellow sardines is I want to cool off.. so you see the bay water with no waves... and you say lets do this! You jump in just to be reprimanded by the security people that swimming in the bay at 3:30 in the am is NOT permitted... (how do I know this??? hmmmm.....)

So if you're still hot the alternative is to walk down to the beach (the ocean side) and lay out on the beach, watch the stars and listen to the ocean waves crash at the shore.
Around 4am the walk to the beach can be like a NYC subway ride around that time of the night. UNPREDICTABLE.
You will run into people on bikes that will stop to let you pass and will stare at you without a word just as if they were vampires trying to glamour you. Making you feel like the nearest mental institution is on recess.
You will be tempted to ride bicycles laying around by peoples houses (if you do... please return where you found them).

So you're best bet is not to talk to strangers at nighttime, oh and don't touch the deer that walk around freely on the island! They are cute and all.. but ohhh those ticks that they carry.

For those of us that are used to the city: if you're bored for any reason (since not all of us know how to fully relax on an island where the only transportation available are your own two feet or a bicycle) .. just start drinking. If it's early Bloody Marys are always great... that way everything will be seen in brighter colors and when in doubt you can always make fun of the man at the pool wearing really long jean shorts!

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